Letter to Ex-Wife

Dear Ex-Wife

Your immaturity and stupidness defies explanation. I try to keep my chin up and try to be “adult” and “supportive” and “not step on toes”, but I am fed up. Please note that you were the one that cheated on your husband, and had a baby with someone else. He (now your ex, my fiance) has moved on, and tries to keep you in the kids lives as much as possible. We are all adults. Please move on. I would be happy if we could just be ‘cordial’ and call it a day without the snide and inappropriate remarks. However, I understand that is not going to be possible without some actual effort on your part. As such, Ex-wife, please be mindful of the following:

-Do not bang on the front door, and ring the doorbell insistently at 9am on a Saturday asking about some stupid deposit. That is what a phone is for.

-Do not drop by unannounced as we may already have plans. I always end up being the one to completely change my schedule around to accommodate yours when you just happen to decide you want to spend time with the kids. That is what a phone is for.

-Do not text/ call me and my fiance over and over (simutaneously) between our cell phones and house phones until someone answers unless it is an emergency. If we didn’t answer- we’re probably busy. Leave a message and we’ll call you back. PS- calling to tell me that the kids hate me does not count as an emergency. PSS- Calling to find out if a deposit was dropped at a venue for your daughter’s birthday also does not count as an emergency.

-Do not call me to bitch about the kid’s father, and how much they hate me, and think I will keep it to myself. I tell my fiance everything. O yea, they hate you sometimes too. If fact, it baffles me with some of the things they say about you.

-Try spending time with your kids more consistantly. Two hours here and there when you see fit does not count. Also, why dont you try taking them all instead of breaking them up when you take them out.

-Do not make your children feel bad for hugging me, or hanging out with me.

-Do not gossip about me in front of your kids. They do not really care what you think of my hair, my new handbag or how much my shoes cost. PS – news flash, they struggle with keeping secrets – and repeat what you say.

-Do not throw guilt trips on your kids and your ex-husband about your living conditions. Get off your ass, and do something about it. No one is going to give you hand outs. We already do enough for you.

-Do not request that my fiance change your oil, fix your air conditioning, find you a new mechanic, do your taxes, and the 100 other requests that you ask for. He is not your husband anymore. Ask one of your boyfriends.

-Do not get flustered when I am next to my fiance. Seriously, it’s okay – we are engaged. Everyone know that you guys are divorced. Many of them have blended families as well, and none appear too stress about it.

-Do not preach the bible to your children when you only tell them the parts that benefit you. Telling them that a divorce is just a piece of paper, and that you and their father are still technically married just jacks with their head even more. Telling them that they will not grow up and live long enough to have children or see their grandchildren because the world is going to end will also jack with their head. PS- Try going to church some time….you might learn something new.

-Do not call my fiance to complain about the difficulties you are having with, what’s the term - your new lover/affair person/boy toy, or your current dating escapades. He does not want to hear about it.

-I understand that you are not always happy to see me, and feel the same way about you. Regardless, please endeavor to just smile, wave, say hi, or engage in some form of non-hostile greeting when circumstances dictate we must be in the same room. Please, just be fake if it’s the only way you can manage civility.

-We love your daughter, however, my fiance is not the father of your baby. Do not throw full responsibility of her on him. We do what we can to help you out with her. Try saying thank you once in awhile since we're the one that provides clothes, baby formula, and diapers for her because you cant afford it instead of assuming its the least he can do for you.

Thanks for even considering the possibility of stepping out of the spotlight for a moment in order for the focus to be on kids, where it should be.

Cordially yours,
Soon to be Wife