They hate me

So Ursula texts me the other day to ask that I call her when I get a minute. Typically, her phone calls arent of the pleasant kind, rather the kind that makes me wish she were somewhere on a remote island far far away from cell phone reception.

So I check the calander, and she is right on schedule. The months usually alternate...one peaceful BM-free month, and then here she comes stirring the pot of drama.

She proceeds to tell me how much the kids hate me (the only reason she calls me, really), and how much they wish they were living elsewhere. She also tells me that the kids feel that they cant go to their father about their feelings- so they go (bitch) to their mother, in which she feels she has to carry the weight alone.

My reply to her was, "what is it that you want me to do about it, and what is the point of this conversation?" You see...short of me leaving J, and moving out- it would seem that nothing would make them happy. And since Im not going to do either.... I guess they are SOL.

She also tells me that sd1 and sd2 are scheming and planning on moving out. That they want Ursula to get a small apartment, that the girls would be home schooled so that they can get jobs (yea, at 14 & 15 they will get very far with that), and would live happily ever after. She seemed appauled that they even started doing research on it. I told her that there isnt anything that those two (teenage) girls are thinking about, scheming about, or doing that any teenage girl that age doesnt think about doing at one point or another. She seemed to disagree, and that she never thought about leaving her parents. (I guess I should have taken that time to tell her that I knew she ran away twice as a teenager..lol). I also tell her that behavior of typical divorced children will be similar to what they are going through now. Its transitional, and it takes time. Nothing solves itself tomorrow, and they will probably have problems with me for a long time since all they want is mom and dad to be together.

The thing that bugs me the most is- they dont act like they hate me, and they always intiate any interactions with me on their own. Ive tried giving them all space, and do my own thing. I dont ask them to hang out with me, I dont go into their rooms and have chats, nor do I try to take on the motherly role. It seems to work for the most part because it enables them to come to me on their own terms, and their own time.

**Did I mention that shes on speaker phone the entire time with J sitting next to me...LOL**

As I hung up the phone, I started feeling discouraged and doubtful. A typical feeling I get after a phone call like this. It wasnt until I was sitting in my brother's room tinkering around on the computer when ss4 comes in, and sits on the bed. We started chatting a bit, and I asked him if he needed anything. He shakes his head, and says, "No, I just wanted to hang out". (I am smiling on the inside.) He wants to hang out with me....cos he hates me soOoo much!

The next morning, both boys come back in, and sits on my brother's bed. Again, I ask if they needed anything. "No, just hanging out". Again, cos he hates me soOoo much!

I also find out over lunch that Ursula sets them up, and tries to train them to hate me. ss3 says something to the effect on ss4 hugging on me every so often, and how he told Ursula that ss4 hugs me alot. She threw a hissy fit, and says, "you know the rules.." I simply told him that there is nothing wrong with him hugging me. I said that I think they are cool, and I like hanging out with them. He replies, "I know...thats her problem."

Its funny what the kids will say if you just let them talk. Its pretty sad to think that she really does this, but I never say anything. She will use it against the kids and make them feel bad. Shes done it before...and its really uneccessary.

The girls, no doubt, are a little more obvious on their alliance to their mother. Naturally so- but its gotten to the point where they dont even leave their room, and if they do, its only beacuse Im not in whatever room they want to be in.

**sigh**.... patience. Take it one day at a time.